When I learned of Catherine’s gift of helping people to get better connected to God’s love, I knew that I wanted to let her help me with my feelings of unworthiness – my belief that God was somehow disappointed with me. I met with her over the phone for an hour, where we together sought to hear God’s perspective through prayer, asking Him what He wanted to do for me, and seeking what only He could reveal about the source of my feelings and beliefs that held me back from receiving all the love He has for me. She guided me through prayers specific to my situation and asked that I repeat them to God, verbalizing my agreement in prayer to now break free from the lies I thought were true, and replacing them with an understanding of my true identity as a beloved child of God.
I learned that God wants to take the painful experiences of our childhood and rewrite them into memories where we see God as totally there with us, enfolding us in His unconditional love, His protection, and His encouragement. I began to see that just as we delight in helping our children when they come to us with a problem, so God (who is infinitely more loving) appreciates, and is even excited when we come to Him with our difficulties in life. It gives Him an opportunity to express His great love to us.
I guess, because I grew up with parents who were hardly ever there for me, I had developed a belief that it is wrong for me to expect anything from others, that I had to be self-reliant. I then transferred that belief to my relationship with God, thinking that He’s also too busy for the likes of me. I believed the lie that others deserved His attention more than I did. I felt like a second-class citizen in God’s family.
But when Catherine asked God to reveal what He really thought of me, I saw that He loved me like a shepherd loves a lost lamb who wandered from the flock. I pictured the good shepherd leaving all the other sheep to come looking for me. When he found me, he rejoiced and picked me up and held me for the longest time, reassuring me that there wasn’t anyone that he loved more than he loved and cherished me, and that even with all my faults, I was still his prized possession. What a warm feeling to know that I am loved just because I’m His, and that He always has time for me.
Catherine was able to help me to not only see that God is on my side, but also to feel His presence and to be assured that He will always be with me. I can now picture (and feel) Him wrapping Himself around me like a beautiful blanket of warmth and protection, as I go about my day living like He is actually delighted with me!
This story is true and was posted with permission. The names were changed to ensure privacy.
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