From Desperate Beggar to Radiant Daughter

“The whole ten years that I was sick I felt isolated, alone and abandoned, but the moment I wanted to die and end it all that’s when He (God) showed up.” Esther was referring to a year and a half ago when desperation overwhelmed her. “It was like desperation on a whole new level. I could not be here. He was going to come and save me, or I was going to die – that was it.”

We asked Jesus to come and be with Esther in that memory, but she couldn’t sense His presence. She just saw herself on the floor in ruins. We asked Jesus if there was any lie Esther was believing. Nothing came to mind. We continued getting nowhere until we realized that desperation was a spirit blocking Esther’s connection with God.

Esther broke every agreement, all communication and every connection she had made with the spirit of desperation and told it to go back where it came from in Jesus’ Name. “Jesus, what do you want to give me in exchange?” she asked. “I see myself as a sunbeam,” was the happy reply.

Esther again asked Jesus if He would come and be with her in that painful memory. “I can see Him wrapping His arms around me.”

Esther asked Jesus how He felt when it was so hard for her. “He was weeping and was feeling everything that I was feeling.” This answer was significant for Esther, because earlier in the week she was wondering if Jesus could feel what she was feeling. “I guess that answers my question.” Jesus not only felt what she felt, but He heard her thoughts and cared enough to answer her question.

Jesus also let Esther know that He didn’t want her to feel so desperate and hopeless. He told her again that He wanted her to be His sunbeam. She felt filled with light and hope – the opposite of desperation.

Esther asked Jesus if she ever had to feel desperate like that again. Nothing came to mind, and she sensed there was another lie blocking her.

“Jesus, where did I learn that I needed to beg for Your attention?”

Esther realized that she always had to beg for attention. Her mother had five children and was emotionally unavailable, and her father was totally out of the picture. “I always had to beg for attention. I had to get pregnant to get attention from my mom. I didn’t get pregnant on purpose, but that’s what happened—I got her attention. She bought me food which was not normal. We ate out of the garden. There were only a few things she bought at the store like powdered milk. But I was so sick throwing up from the pregnancy that I eventually couldn’t go to school and had to drop out. That was another part of the end of my life, because I was raped when I was 12. She didn’t know anything about that, but I got attention when I got pregnant for a little while until I wasn’t pregnant anymore. So it was a learned behavior. I had to beg for attention, but I normally just kept everything to myself and didn’t ask for anything.”

Esther severed the ungodly soul ties she had made with her parents and broke agreements with fear, desperation, hopelessness, abandonment, unworthiness and neglect as well as other spirits. She rejected the lies that controlled her thoughts and behavior throughout her life and asked Jesus for the truth instead. Esther did not hear an answer.

After listening for God’s direction, we went back to the memory of when Esther was pregnant and had to drop out of school. She had been getting straight Fs in school since the time she was raped and couldn’t concentrate on her work. It was the end of everything for her. She considered herself stupid. Nobody in school liked her. They all called her a whore since she had started wearing makeup. She felt intense hatred from others.

Esther invited Jesus to be with her at that painful time. She didn’t see Jesus right away, but she saw herself on a stage where people were throwing rotten tomatoes at her. That wasn’t an actual memory, but it described clearly how she felt. “They’re throwing rotten tomatoes and garbage at me. I’m garbage.”

Esther invited Jesus to be with her in that scene. This time she could see Jesus covering her with His big feathery wings.

“Jesus, how did you feel when it was so painful for me?”

“I got a sense that He was covering me and protecting me like I was His daughter. He also gave me a thought of Him being on the cross when people were spitting on Him and rejecting Him and denying Him. It was the same picture, and He loves me as Himself. He was there with me going through it with me again. He said I didn’t deserve it.”

Esther forgave her classmates for rejecting her. The desperation and hopelessness was gone.

Esther received the truth that Jesus wanted to protect her and asked Him what her life would look like if she let Him protect her. “Beautiful, radiant—a sunbeam basically!”

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5 

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4

He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:3-5






From Rotten Apple to the Apple of His Eye

Sally was being tormented by bad memories for days but couldn’t think of any of them when we met to pray. I was confident God would bring to her mind whatever He wanted to heal.

Before we started to pray, we discussed the amazing video of Ian McCormack who had a life-after-death experience. Sally was especially impacted by the part of the story where Jesus was showering Ian with His love even though he had sinned so much. She didn’t think Jesus would do that for her. She was sure she wasn’t good enough.

We started praying, and Sally asked Jesus what He wanted to do for her. She didn’t sense anything. I suggested she ask Jesus to bring to her mind a time when she felt she wasn’t good enough for God’s love.

Immediately a memory of when she was three years old came up. A neighborhood boy had talked her into lifting her dress and proceeded to molest her. Sally didn’t really understand what happened, but she told her mother about it when she returned from playing outside. Her mother didn’t say anything, but her face looked very angry. Sally hung her head in shame. She was sure she must be very bad to make her mother so angry.

Sally invited Jesus to be with her in that painful moment with her mother. It was difficult for her to sense God. We continued to pray allowing Jesus to free Sally from the anger, self-hatred, unworthiness and shame she had been carrying around for so long. Sally forgave her mother and the boy, and she handed Jesus all the painful lies she had been believing about herself. She asked Jesus for His truth in exchange.

Sally heard Jesus say, “Your mother is not God. She is human, doing the best she can.” She asked Jesus how He felt about what happened and how He would have responded to her. Sally saw and felt Jesus pick her up and hold her in His arms. She could tell He felt hurt by what happened to her with the boy, and He explained to her why it wasn’t okay. She heard Jesus tell her, “You are the apple of my eye. You are loved with an everlasting love.”

Sally believed Him.

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

“He found him in a desert land and in the wasteland, a howling wilderness; He encircled him, He instructed him, He kept him as the apple of His eye.” Deuteronomy 32:10

This story is true and was posted with permission. The names were changed to ensure privacy.

If this story brought something to mind in your life that you would like help with, please email to schedule your own appointment for emotional renovation.

Jesus is more powerful than the abuse.

Olivia writes:

Emotional Renovation has really helped me with my healing process from my sexual abuse.  I started meeting with Catherine over the phone a few months ago.  When we prayed, Jesus always showed up.  During my ER sessions, God would sometimes bring me back to my childhood and showed me where He was during the abusive times.  Even though there was much pain remembering each abusive situation, I always ended the session with peace because He showed me where He was in the midst of it all. It has been so comforting to see Jesus right there with me, loving me, even in the middle of the abuse. It hasn’t changed the history of what happened to me, but changed my outlook and attitude knowing that God never left my side.  God didn’t want those things to happen to me, but man has a free will to do as he pleases, even the most evil of things.  Now, when I think about my abusive childhood, I can often smile because I see Jesus right there with me, loving me, comforting me, and it is more powerful than the abuse. God’s love envelopes the memory of my abuse.  His healing love is just so incredible, so soothing.  It’s almost too good to explain, you just have to experience it.   I thank God for the ministry of Emotional Renovation.  He really is healing me, little by little.


This story is true and was posted with permission. The names were changed to ensure privacy.

If this story brought something to mind in your life that you would like help with, please email to schedule your own appointment for emotional renovation.

My New Life

Victoria writes:

I began to realize in August 2013 that I was molested as a child but couldn’t remember what my sexual abuser did or when it began. I started to see a trauma therapist but still there was no remembrance of it at a young age. I met Catherine a few months later and she told me she could help me to remember through emotional renovation, but Jesus would have to lead us. It would be wherever Jesus wanted to take me.In December 2013, I had my first session with Catherine.  We asked Jesus what he wanted to show me today. At first I didn’t see him, but after praying, he showed up and let me know that he has always been with me and loves me very much.My next sessions were of Jesus showing me love, friendship and all the fun I had in my home as a child. This home didn’t have many fond memories for me. I had gotten to a place of comfort and safeness with him. I was ready for him to show me anything from my past without fear. I knew I could trust him completely.Then he began to show me what my sexual abuser did to me, how old I was when it began and how long the abuse went on. Even during the remembering of the abuse in action, Jesus never left my side. He was there before, during and after. He showed me that he came between me and my abuser to protect me. He wanted to take this burden and guilt from me and fill my heart with unconditional love from him.I have felt complete peace through this process. He has walked me through emotional and physical abuse I received as a child from my earthly father. Jesus had to take the place of my parent and my friend. He has led me by my right hand through all the abuse and has shown so much love to me that I’ve felt like an only child.

I had so much anger toward my sexual abuser, his wife and my father.

Jesus has rewritten my life story back to the time I first felt unworthy of being loved. He has shown me what he wanted my life to be like and how it could be today. I could never have achieved this without the emotional renovation I went through with Catherine.

I have now moved past the anger to forgiveness towards my abusers. I can now see them through Jesus’ eyes. He loves each of us so very much.

I have been given the gift of visualizing him, leading my life with love and gentleness. I feel so blessed to have been a part of this journey into a deeper relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ, the Only One I can truly depend on.

This story is true and was posted with permission. The names were changed to ensure privacy.

If this story brought something to mind in your life that you would like help with, please email to schedule your own appointment for emotional renovation.